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When One Child Needs More: Navigating Sibling Dynamics in the Disability Space

June 12, 2025 A Time for Hope, Marya Patrice Sherron

In this heartfelt post, Marya reflects on her journey in raising her two sons following her younger son’s autism diagnosis. With years of perspective, she shares honest insights and helpful resources for families and siblings walking a similar path.

I want to begin this post in full transparency.
I didn’t do it perfectly.
In fact, I didn’t do it well.

When my youngest son was diagnosed with autism, I was already homeschooling my ten-year-old. He had just started to show signs of ADHD, and I believed—deep in my heart—that I could help him build the skills he needed to succeed. I imagined teaching him strategies, watching him thrive, and one day sending him back to school equipped with tools and confidence.
But things don’t always go according to plan.
As my youngest son’s needs rapidly intensified, so did his behavior. Aggression. Meltdowns. Sleepless nights. My attention, energy, and emotional reserves were consumed. I was doing everything I could to hold our home together. In the middle of it all, I didn’t know how to explain what was happening—to myself, let alone to my oldest son. He was shaken and I was grasping.
In the years that followed, my two sons grew distant. At times, I wondered if they even liked each other. I only had one sibling … and he was my best friend. The disdain between my boys was heavy and felt.
And my heart shattered in the quiet of their awkward forced exchanges. Siblings are supposed to be close, right? Built-in best friends? That was the dream. It’s what I knew. But the reality was more complicated—and more painful.
Today, my oldest is almost 25. Only now am I learning how much he carried. How much he wondered. How much he needed me, too.
Siblings Often Carry What We Cannot See

According to the Sibling Support Project, there are over 6 million siblings of individuals with disabilities in the United States, yet their stories often remain unheard. Many report feeling confused, isolated, or forgotten, especially during the early years of diagnosis or major behavioral changes.

Research published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry (2020) found that siblings of children with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD) are at increased risk for anxiety, depression, and peer difficulties, particularly when parents are overwhelmed and unable to attend to their emotional needs (Tomeny et al., 2020).
But here’s the powerful truth: When siblings are supported, involved in conversations, and given space to share, they thrive—often developing higher levels of empathy, compassion, and resilience.
They don’t need a perfect parent. They need a present one.
They need to know: You see me too.
What I Wish I Had Known: Best Practices for Supporting Siblings
1. Don’t Wait to Talk
Start age-appropriate conversations early. Even if you don’t have all the answers, your child needs a framework to understand what’s happening around them. Words bring clarity—and peace.
Consider trying: “Your brother’s brain works differently, and sometimes that makes things hard. But you’re allowed to feel all your feelings. I’m here for you, too.”
2. Make Time Just for Them
Carve out intentional one-on-one time. It doesn’t have to be elaborate—just consistent. A walk. A trip for ice cream. A bedtime routine. These moments say, “You matter.”
3. Invite Their Voice
Let them help, if they want to—but don’t make them responsible. Ask how they’re feeling, what they need, and what they wish was different. Their insights might surprise you.
4. Create Safe Space to Process
Therapy, sibling support groups, or even expressive arts can help children process complex emotions. Resources like the Sibling Support Project or Sibshops offer safe, empowering environments.
5. Name Their Strengths

Siblings often rise quietly to the occasion. Celebrate their empathy, their patience, their sense of humor. Let them hear how proud you are—not just of how they cope, but of who they are.

I See You Now
By Marya 

I saw you there, just out of view,
The quiet one I thought I knew.
While storms around your brother stirred,
I missed your need, I missed your word.

You smiled brave, you played your part,
But silence tugged against your heart.
I wish I’d known the weight you bore,
The questions you held, the ache at your core.

Yet here you are, still kind, still near—
A soul so strong, a heart sincere.
I see you now with clearer eyes,
The one who taught me love still tries.

For every tear I didn’t see,
Please hold this truth you’ve taught to me:
Love can stretch, repair, and grow—
And now, my child, I truly know.
To every parent reading this who has ever felt torn, I want you to know: you are not alone. We are all learning in real time. Loving our children in different ways, carrying guilt we don’t always name, and trying to do better as we grow.
There is no perfect way to do this—but there is always room to heal.
There is always time to say, I see you now.

Sibling Support Resources: Indiana Edition

Sibshops & Peer Support Programs

  • Easterseals Northeast Indiana – Sibshops (Fort Wayne). Monthly gatherings where siblings of children with disabilities connect, play, and process in a safe space. easterseals.com/nein

  • Creative Pathways Sibshops (Indianapolis). Engaging sessions designed for siblings to explore emotions and build community with guided support. creativepathwaysindy.org

Family & Parent Support

  • Autism Society of Indiana offers family-centered support including sibling education and caregiver connection resources. inautism.org

  • Indiana Institute on Disability and Community (IIDC). Comprehensive directory of family support services and sibling-related resources across Indiana. iidc.indiana.edu

Local Community Connections

  • The Hazel Center (Noblesville). Programs for children and families, including sibling bonding events and parent support. thehazelcenter.com

  • Easterseals Crossroads (Indianapolis). Parent-led resource center with events and supports for siblings and caregivers. eastersealscrossroads.org 

Online & Statewide Networks

  • SIBS Support INStatewide initiative focused on sibling voices, empowerment, and education.  sibssupport.org 

  • The Sibling Support Project. National leader in sibling advocacy, offering toolkits, community spaces, and guidance. siblingsupport.org

Marya Patrice Sherron is a dedicated advocate, a proud mother of two incredible children with disabilities, and a valued member of The Arc of Indiana’s Board of Directors.

Visit: A Time for Hope Blog 
Visit Marya’s Website: A Time to Dance

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